You are not the first person to find yourself attempting to raise strong, confident, loving children with someone you feel is crazy. I’ve noticed some patterns in high-conflict co-parenting. Here are 8 common traps that co-parents get stuck in and some tools for getting through them.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed and heavy-hearted in the current political, environmental, spiritual, and social climate. Yet, conflict is one of the greatest methods of learning. Let’s also learn from the disruptive technology of mediation when we look for solutions to those conflicts. When it comes to expanding ourselves, connecting and healing, we need new strategies. Here are three of them.
Recently, I was talking with a client about learning to co-parent with his former wife against all the odds. Like many parenting coordination clients, the years since their divorce had only increased their antipathy for one another. But, One of the many gifts of my profession is that I am reminded almost daily that when two parents come together to decide something for their child, they generally make a better decision than either one could decide individually.
“This is conflict we’re talking about. You have to show up for this or you’re going to miss something.”
Conflict is scary, messy and overwhelming. Mostly, we want to run away from it or bury our heads in the sand like proverbial ostriches. But conflict gives us an opportunity to transform ourselves or our situation in life.
The first Noble Truth of Buddha is that life is suffering.
The second Noble Truth is that the origin of suffering is attachment.
When we are in conflict, we are attached to something, whether it’s money, a picture of our own future, a relationship that makes us feel whole, or being seen as right or good or smarter than the other person. We are attached to an ideal future that we believe will bring us relief.